Assalamualaikum dear
parents
In my Seminars I talked
about how important it is to build your children’s self confidence and self
esteem. Rasulullah s.a.w in his many hadith showed how he encouraged his
sahabah to become the best that they can be.
Self-esteem is a very
important ingredient for a successful and happy life in this dunia and
hereafter. A person can be blessed with intelligence and talent but if he or
she lacks self-esteem, this can be an obstacle in achieving success in his
study, his job, a relationship and in virtually every area of life.
As parents, we cannot
control everything our child sees, hears or thinks, which will be contributing
to his or her self-image. But there is still much that we could do. We have the
child at the earliest years of his life; Allah
has given us a special gift—a new human being with a "clean slate."
During those early years, what goes into the child’s mind is very
impressionable. Parents are therefore provided with a unique,
never-to-be-repeated opportunity to set up a "self-esteem bank
account" in which the child will store many positive things about him or
herself. In the years and decades to come, this "bank account" will
balance out negative experiences, which are unavoidable. How can we, as
parents, build up our child's self-esteem? The following are some suggestions
that I have read and would love to share it with all of you
1.
Show love and affection to your child. All our dealings
with our children, starting from infancy, should be done with a lot of
affection and love. A baby who was dealt with love and affection will get a
subconscious feeling that s/he is worthy and important enough to be loved.
2. Compliment your child. Give your child compliments as often as
possible, whenever they do something right. Say, "I am very proud of you.
You are very special. I like the way you have done it."
3.
Make your compliments credible. It is important, however, that the
compliments be credible. Exaggerated compliments like, "You are the best
in the world. You are the nicest person that ever lived" can actually be
counter-productive. The child will develop an inflated ego, and that can affect
his relationship with friends, which in the long run will have a negative
effect on his or her self-esteem.
4.
Set goals for your child. The goal should be something attainable—to get dressed by
herself, to get a certain mark on his next test. Set goals that are suited for
the child's age and capabilities (setting a goal which is unattainable will
have a negative effect). As the child works toward the goal, coach her along
and compliment her success each step along the way. Once the child reaches the
goal, compliment her achievement and reinforce her self-image as an achiever.
5.
Criticize the action, not the person. When the child does
something negative, say to the child, "You are such a good and special
child, you should not be engaging in such an activity," instead of saying,
"you are a bad child."
6.
Validate your child's feelings. When your child suffers a blow to his
self-esteem, it's important to validate his feelings. For example, if the child
gets offended by a hurtful comment made by a friend or a teacher, say to the
child, "Yes, you were offended by what that person said" or "you
were offended by the fact that the other person doesn't like you." Only
after the child feels that his feelings have been validated will he be open to
you bolstering his self-esteem by pointing out the people who do like him, and
the positive things that others have said about him.
Alhamdulillah, lets try to practice these tips given and lets
see if the amal that we do will increase our children’s self confidence and
self esteem.
Inshaa Allah, till we meet
again
7.
Be proud of your child. On a regular basis, we must remember to tell the child how
fortunate and how proud we are to be her parents.
8.
Talk positively about your child in the presence of important people in
his life, such as grandparents, teachers, friends etc.
9.
Never to compare your child to others, saying, "why aren’t
you like Johnny?" When such comparisons are made by others, reassure your
child that she is special and unique in her own way."
10.
Make sure that others dealing with your child know your child's
strengths. At
the beginning of the school year, speak with your child's teachers and tell
them what your child's special strengths are and about the areas in which he or
she excels, so that the teacher will have a positive outlook towards them and
will continue to build on those strengths.
11.
Tell the child on a regular basis that you will love them
unconditionally. When they fail, or do the wrong thing, remember to say to
them, "You are special to me, I will always love you, no matter what!”
12.
Tend to your own self-esteem. You need to see yourself in a positive
light. Parents who lack self-esteem will have difficulties bringing up a child with
a high self-esteem. A good positive parent is a parent who knows that he or she
is not perfect but values him or herself, while always trying to grow and
improve.
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